The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck: A Counterintuitive Approach to Living a Good Life

Rating: it was amazing

Masterpiece, incredibly funny. i don't usally go for self help books cause to me they are all the same! Smile more, love more, hate less, don't give up, it's gonna be okay, it's all in your head. Blah blah blah.... but this one was the exception. Anything with curse words on the cover picks my interest :P The first half of it was my favorite, the aim of this book is to help the reader to think a little bit more clearly about what they’re choosing to find important in life and what they’re choosing to find unimportant.

These are few of my favrite quotes in this book:

The desire for more positive experience is itself a negative experience. And, paradoxically, the acceptance of one’s negative experience is itself a positive experience.


Self-improvement and success often occur together. But that doesn’t necessarily mean they’re the same thing.
Our culture today is obsessively focused on unrealistically positive expectations: Be happier. Be healthier. Be the best, better than the rest. Be smarter, faster, richer, sexier, more popular, more productive, more envied, and more admired. Be perfect and amazing and crap out twelve-karat-gold nuggets before breakfast each morning while kissing your selfie-ready spouse and two and a half kids goodbye. Then fly your helicopter to your wonderfully fulfilling job, where you spend your days doing incredibly meaningful work that’s likely to save the planet one day.

Ironically, this fixation on the positive—on what’s better, what’s superior—only serves to remind us over and over again of what we are not, of what we lack, of what we should have been but failed to be. After all, no truly happy person feels the need to stand in front of a mirror and recite that she’s happy. She just is.


Everyone and their TV commercial wants you to believe that the key to a good life is a nicer job, or a more rugged car, or a prettier girlfriend, or a hot tub with an inflatable pool for the kids. The world is constantly telling you that the path to a better life is more, more, more—buy more, own more, make more, fuck more, be more. You are constantly bombarded with messages to give a fuck about everything, all the time. Give a fuck about a new TV. Give a fuck about having a better vacation than your coworkers. Give a fuck about buying that new lawn ornament. Give a fuck about having the right kind of selfie stick.

The Feedback Loop from Hell

There’s an insidious quirk to your brain that, if you let it, can drive you absolutely batty. Tell me if this sounds familiar to you: You get anxious about confronting somebody in your life. That anxiety cripples you and you start wondering why you’re so anxious. Now you’re becoming anxious about being anxious. Oh no! Doubly anxious! Now you’re anxious about your anxiety, which is causing more anxiety. Quick, where’s the whiskey?

Rating: it was amazing

Posted at Heradas

Sort of an anti self-help book, meaning that it actually contains a useful philosophy, which is (mostly) just Buddhism/Stoicism dressed up a little for millennials. It's not as douchey as the title would have you think, and it's very entertaining. There's a lot of cross-over with Carl Sagan's The Demon-Haunted World, surprisingly. A lot of good advice for those, like me, who over-stress themselves about mostly nothing at all. I really loved it; I'll probably circle back to it a few more times in the future.

Rating: really liked it

If you follow my reviews/blog at all, you probably already know that I am already a zero fucks given kind of gal when it comes to, well, bullshit.

In fact, my best friend had the below picture as my contact photo in his phone for years.



So it should come as no surprise that I, like many, was drawn to this book, 1) Because it has the word "fuck" in the title. Duh. And, 2) Because it's bright fucking orange.

That said, the chum was in the water for me already based on that alone.

But when I got to this:



I knew this book and I would be friends.

I am SO anti-participation trophy it's ridiculous.
And, no, I don't care if that offends all the middle class helicopter moms and their special snowflakes.
Your kid needs to learn how to lose.
That's how character is built, my friends.

And that's pretty much one of the major points in this book actually.
That and, simply put, prioritizing where you put your emotional energy aka your fucks.
Stuff I have a solid a handle on already.

But, full transparency, I read this out of curiosity and with a slim to none expectation of there being anything life changing to take away from it.

Don't get me wrong, color me surprised, I thought this book made a lot of solid points.
Some really good, well articulated ones actually.

I definitely do think this book has something to offer.
For example, it reminded me that I need to stop hoping my sister and I form a BFF Sweet Valley High-esque sister friendship and accept the fact that we are 35+ fucking years old and it's just not gonna happen.
And that's okay. She only texts me when she wants or needs something and, while we love and respect each other - we just aren't all THAT.

And that's okay.

As I said, it made good points - none of which the author attempted to claim creating - he just wrote it down in an easy, witty, sometimes offensive and conversational fashion with examples of his own life and personal epiphanies.

It did get a little ridiculous sometimes with how much he referred to his former "bangs all the ladies" behavior.
We get it, you are a walking dream machine. *eye roll*
It also contradicted itself a bit in some areas, though nothing detrimental in my eyes.

He also definitely walked a fine line when discussing certain issues as they pertain to women.
Feminists and just some women in general will NOT appreciate this book.

Not gonna lie though, right or wrong, this book definitely appealed to my snarky, crass kind of humor, reminding me once again that I apparently have the personality and sense of humor of a dude.

But whatevers.

That's not a fuck I care to give, apparently.

Rating: it was ok

I started out liking this book, I really did. By the time I was halfway in, his smug attitude about things he frankly knows jack shit about were getting on my nerves. He made some excellent points, all of which have been made countless times by other, more competent writers. Read Sartre, Camus, Siddhartha by Herman Hesse, and various Buddhist texts instead. Regurgitating Eastern philosophy and existentialism while swearing a lot only gets you so far. I stopped reading and returned this book.

Rating: did not like it

What a load of self-indulgent, sexist codswallop.

Rating: did not like it

I'm not actually done yet, but this book is becoming more problematic by the page. In re: false memories and page 128: False memories are absolutely a thing. But when the example you use to illustrate this fact is a 1980's feminist who falsely accused her father of abuse and you follow up with "in the early 1980s and 1990s hundreds of innocent people were wrongly accused of sexual violence under similar circumstances. Many of them went to prison for it" you are being supremely irresponsible. The casual reader who is not familiar with sexual violence and rape and abuse could easily walk away with the impression that survivors of sexual assault often make up their assault. This is utterly, utterly untrue - we know that rape and incest are some of the most under reported and under prosecuted crimes, and that the possibility of not being believed plays a big role in that.

***

Finally finished. One star. You don't need to read this book.

Rating: it was ok

Have you ever been in a bar and had a know-it-all tell you everything you need to know about life without any evidence to back up what he's saying? That's what this book felt like.

Rating: it was ok

Based on the title, I was pretty stoked for this, and the introductory essay explaining the author's Not Giving a F*ck theory made a lot of sense to me and made me really happy. Essentially, he says that the internet and the media demand that we give a f*ck about everything, but we only have so much time on Earth and so many f*cks to give and we have to choose who and what we spend those f*cks on.

Makes sense.

Unfortunately, the rest of the book turns into the same self-help drivel you see in any other "how to be happy" kind of book, only Manson starts to present the information with a tone reminiscent of an Andrew Dice Clay routine. No bueno. I ended up having to bail.

Rating: really liked it

I went into this admittedly with quite some skepticism and entitlement— “what is this going to teach me that I don’t already know?”— but The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck is truly one of the most ground-shaping nonfiction books I’ve read so far. It will and can change a perspective, a life. And as such, this is the perfect book to give to your loved ones on holidays, birthdays...

It made me rethink all the times I ever gave a fuck over some of the most irrelevant things in hindsight. It made me realize that it’s sometimes necessary to take a step back and re-evaluate why I think so-and-so on a daily basis.

I also wrote down a lot of Mark Manson’s writing into my notes because I knew I would need it in the near future. And I would like to thank him for answering quite a lot of fears of mine with such a dose of raw, refreshing, honest truth.

The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck was both personally relevant and entertaining.

Here are a few pieces that helped me and then some:

“The key to a good life is not giving a fuck about more; it’s giving a fuck about less, giving a fuck about only what is true and immediate and important.”

“Because when you give too many fucks—when you give a fuck about everyone and everything—you will feel that you’re perpetually entitled to be comfortable and happy at all times, that everything is supposed to be just exactly the fucking way you want it to be. This is a sickness. And it will eat you alive. You will see every adversity as an injustice, every challenge as a failure, every inconvenience as a personal slight, every disagreement as a betrayal. You will be confined to your own petty, skull-sized hell, burning with entitlement and bluster, running circles around your very own personal Feedback Loop from Hell, in constant motion yet arriving nowhere”

YES! This is exactly how I feel when I give too many fucks about things that have little lasting impact on my life.

“Life is essentially an endless series of problems, Mark,” the panda told me. He sipped his drink and adjusted the little pink umbrella. “The solution to one problem is merely the creation of the next one.”
A moment passed, and then I wondered where the fuck the talking panda came from. And while we’re at it, who made these margaritas?
“Don’t hope for a life without problems,” the panda said. “There’s no such thing. Instead, hope for a life full of good problems.”

Disappointment Panda was one of the best additions to this book.

“Who you are is defined by what you’re willing to struggle for. People who enjoy the struggles of a gym are the ones who run triathlons and have chiseled abs and can bench-press a small house. People who enjoy long workweeks and the politics of the corporate ladder are the ones who fly to the top of it. People who enjoy the stresses and uncertainties of the starving artist lifestyle are ultimately the ones who live it and make it.
This is not about willpower or grit. This is not another admonishment of “no pain, no gain.” This is the most simple and basic component of life: our struggles determine our successes. Our problems birth our happiness, along with slightly better, slightly upgraded problems.
See: it’s a never-ending upward spiral. And if you think at any point you’re allowed to stop climbing, I’m afraid you’re missing the point. Because the joy is in the climb itself.”

This book is slowly but surely shifting my world.

“If you want to change how you see your problems, you have to change what you value and/or how you measure failure/success.”

“Honesty is a good value because it’s something you have complete control over, it reflects reality, and it benefits others (even if it’s sometimes unpleasant). Popularity, on the other hand, is a bad value. If that’s your value, and if your metric is being the most popular guy/girl at the dance party, much of what happens will be out of your control: you don’t know who else will be at the event, and you probably won’t know who half those people are. Second, the value/metric isn’t based on reality: you may feel popular or unpopular, when in fact you have no fucking clue what anybody else really thinks about you. (Side Note: As a rule, people who are terrified of what others think about them are actually terrified of all the shitty things they think about themselves being reflected back at them.)”

That side note is speaking the truth!!!

“I’m not saying that this excused what my ex did—not at all. But recognizing my mistakes helped me to realize that I perhaps hadn’t been the innocent victim I’d believed myself to be. That I had a role to play in enabling the shitty relationship to continue for as long as it did. After all, people who date each other tend to have similar values. And if I dated someone with shitty values for that long, what did that say about me and my values? I learned the hard way that if the people in your relationships are selfish and doing hurtful things, it’s likely you are too, you just don’t realize it.”

Taking responsibly for your actions, but not blaming yourself was one of the most valuable lessons I got from Mark Manson.

“A lot of people might hear all of this and then say something like, “Okay, but how? I get that my values suck and that I avoid responsibility for all of my problems and that I’m an entitled little shit who thinks the world should revolve around me and every inconvenience I experience—but how do I change?”
And to this I say, in my best Yoda impersonation: “Do, or do not; there is no ‘how.’ ”
You are already choosing, in every moment of every day, what to give a fuck about, so change is as simple as choosing to give a fuck about something else.
It really is that simple. It’s just not easy.
It’s not easy because you’re going to feel like a loser, a fraud, a dumbass at first. You’re going to be nervous. You’re going to freak out. You may get pissed off at your wife or your friends or your father in the process. These are all side effects of changing your values, of changing the fucks you’re giving. But they are inevitable.
It’s simple but really, really hard.”

“Growth is an endlessly iterative process. When we learn something new, we don’t go from “wrong” to “right.” Rather, we go from wrong to slightly less wrong. And when we learn something additional, we go from slightly less wrong to slightly less wrong than that, and then to even less wrong than that, and so on. We are always in the process of approaching truth and perfection without actually ever reaching truth or perfection.”

He’s changing my world right now.

“We all have values for ourselves. We protect these values. We try to live up to them and we justify them and maintain them. Even if we don’t mean to, that’s how our brain is wired. As noted before, we’re unfairly biased toward what we already know, what we believe to be certain. If I believe I’m a nice guy, I’ll avoid situations that could potentially contradict that belief. If I believe I’m an awesome cook, I’ll seek out opportunities to prove that to myself over and over again. The belief always takes precedence. Until we change how we view ourselves, what we believe we are and are not, we cannot overcome our avoidance and anxiety. We cannot change.
In this way, “knowing yourself” or “finding yourself” can be dangerous. It can cement you into a strict role and saddle you with unnecessary expectations. It can close you off to inner potential and outer opportunities.
I say don’t find yourself. I say never know who you are. Because that’s what keeps you striving and discovering. And it forces you to remain humble in your judgments and accepting of the differences in others.”

I didn't even realize I felt this way until I saw it so clearly on paper.

“There’s a kind of self-absorption that comes with fear based on an irrational certainty. When you assume that your plane is the one that’s going to crash, or that your project idea is the stupid one everyone is going to laugh at, or that you’re the one everyone is going to choose to mock or ignore, you’re implicitly telling yourself, “I’m the exception; I’m unlike everybody else; I’m different and special.”
This is narcissism, pure and simple. You feel as though your problems deserve to be treated differently, that your problems have some unique math to them that doesn’t obey the laws of the physical universe.
My recommendation: don’t be special; don’t be unique. Redefine your metrics in mundane and broad ways. Choose to measure yourself not as a rising star or an undiscovered genius. Choose to measure yourself not as some horrible victim or dismal failure. Instead, measure yourself by more mundane identities: a student, a partner, a friend, a creator.”

That thing about the plane is 100% me!! So I get it know: if you think you’re special—decide not to be.

“The desire to avoid rejection at all costs, to avoid confrontation and conflict, the desire to attempt to accept everything equally and to make everything cohere and harmonize, is a deep and subtle form of entitlement. Entitled people, because they feel as though they deserve to feel great all the time, avoid rejecting anything because doing so might make them or someone else feel bad. And because they refuse to reject anything, they live a valueless, pleasure-driven, and self-absorbed life. All they give a fuck about is sustaining the high a little bit longer, to avoid the inevitable failures of their life, to pretend the suffering away.”

“If you make a sacrifice for someone you care about, it needs to be because you want to, not because you feel obligated or because you fear the consequences of not doing so. If your partner is going to make a sacrifice for you, it needs to because he or she genuinely wants to, not because you’ve manipulated the sacrifice through anger or guilt. Acts of love are valid only if they’re performed without conditions or expectations.”

Damn, I wasn’t prepared for The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck to completely change my worldview in such a meaningful way. I will cherish this book for a long time to come.

4.5/5 stars

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This review and more can be found on my blog.

Rating: really liked it

I'd review this book but I just don't... What's the phrase?

You can buy the book here.

Rating: did not like it

Definitely written by and for straight, white, entitled males. I have no fucks to give for this book or the author.

Rating: liked it

My, my! What a catchy title!



I wanted to see what all the hype was about, so I picked this up. And now that I'm done? Well, I agree with everything Manson says, but (like other reviewers have mentioned) everything he's written about is common sense stuff.
Is that revolutionary?
Maybe.
What does it say about our society in general that any of what he's saying is...well, remotely necessary to say!?
When the basic premise of a bestseller is that you should stop comparing yourself to what you see on television, movies, and social media, and just be content to be the best version of yourself - and scads of people find this to be awe-inspiring?
Then perhaps it really did need to be said.



The gist of this "groundbreaking" book is that there's no way to insulate yourself from bad times, and even if you could, those hardships are what make us better people. One of the biggest problems we seem to have is this nonsensical idea that chasing happiness is a worthwhile goal. I mean, it sounds great on paper, but it's not in any way, shape, or form realisitc...or healthy.
Life will not give you a happy ending. Period. Ending are always sad. And we need to get over this ridiculous idea that at some point we'll get to sigh a big sigh of relief because our fairytale Happily Ever After has arrived.



We can all save ourselves the trouble of trying to find happiness by just realizing that we need to choose to be happy now. Enjoy the small stuff, my friends, because tomorrow might just suck a giant dick.
Your life will be good until it isn't. You'll be in love until you aren't. Your job will be fulfilling until you lose it. You'll be alive until you're dead.
And nothing you do will change that.

Ok, granted, that doesn't sound awesome.
But the point is, if you stop trying to live for some future Happiness High, prioritize what means the most to you now, and live with a fearless attitude towards the future? Then you're going to be much more content (and yes, happy) than someone who is constantly trying to measure up to unrealistic goals they've set in order achieve a sense of fulfillment.
The end.

The book itself is fairly short and Manson's voice isn't terribly annoying.
Read it or not. I don't give a fuck.

Rating: did not like it

I knew after the first chapter that I probably wasn't the intended audience for this book. Most of it was sort of a "duh" for me, but I continued on in hopes I would learn something new...WOW, this author is SO self-indulgent. He misses no opportunity to remind us about what a complete "fuckboi" he was in his twenties. The problem with this is that his tone (and the fact that he brings it up over and over and over and over again) makes it sound like it is almost a point of pride rather than something to be remorseful about. There are a lot of (re-packaged Buddhist and psych) truth nuggets in here, but they're definitely mired in a lot of privileged bullshit.

Rating: did not like it

Ego driven rantings

Wish I could say I couldn't give a fu#k about spending £10.99 on this serious heap of rubbish, but yes, i do give a fu#k that this ego driven, talentless author swindled me out of money for a heap of rubbish.

He is probably having a great old laugh at the fact that his mantra `dont try` has resulted in an awful written book, full of cliches, calling reader `dumbass`, referring to us wanting to feel jennifer aniston`s t#ts , and bigging himself up generally. He probably finds it hilarious that a load of suckers, like me , bought it.

The zen in me tells me lesson is learned, don't fall for arresting titles and stop being impressed by introductory chapters referencing Bukowski. Don't make this mistake again!!!

Ah, the money probably brings him little happiness. He probably in dire need of therapy or funds to hire ladies resembling Friends characters or writing classes. All is well with the world and I am happy these are much needed things my contribution can go toward.

All's ok now. Don't give a fu#k.

Rating: did not like it

I don't read self-help. I simply don't believe in the self-help genre. If you need a book to help you live your life you have bigger problems than whatever brought you to that book. That may seem harsh but its just my opinion and you are free to ignore it.

Since I don't read self-help, you may be asking "Erin, Why did you read this book?
Blame Popsugar. I'm doing the Popsugar 2017 Reading challenge and needed to read a book from a genre I don't usually read. As you can see if you look at my book shelf I pretty much read every genre. So I narrowed it down to 3 genres: Self-help, Christian, or Amish Romance. I picked Self-help.

Mark Manson proof that anyone can get a book deal. I understand that he has a very popular blog and publishing is about money but God this book is bad. I found myself speed reading it just so it would end. Mark Manson is shallow, smug, and completely uninformed about everything that he was trying to talk about. You know what I don't give a fuck about? This book. DON'T READ IT. AVOID AT ALL COST!

Popsugar 2017 Reading Challenge: Bestseller from a Genre I Don't Normally Read.